Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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