i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
