Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
