the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize