Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
