had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My ass is underappreciated
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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