I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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