and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
