I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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