I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
