The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
FUCK WHALES
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
