If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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