I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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