You're completely useless in the revolution.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
