If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
