Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
