fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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