Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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