I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
