I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
