I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize