dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
