Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
