i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
