you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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