Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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