did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize