i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
