Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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