i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
