if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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