I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize