Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
