Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
