On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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