sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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