the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
