I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
