sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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