Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
