I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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