so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
