I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm jealous of your bromance
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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