I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
