thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
