I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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