Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
