So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize