He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
