Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
