Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
