I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
