DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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