When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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