you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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