Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Vodka?
Forever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
