Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
