don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize