I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
