dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
