Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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