I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
