The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize