Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
