Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
