Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize