I think I died a long time ago.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
