just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
