My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
